fear: part I work

Since church has been canceled for today, I am going to take the opportunity to blog about something that is very psychological, and some might even say spiritual about my reactions to live. The first part is going to be work related, and the second more general.

Reading the title,you have already gotten the idea, I am sure, that fear is the subject du jour. And since I have announced that this blog is about work, you may be wondering what fear has to do with work. Well, a great deal.

You see, I have been doing a specific function at work for several (about 10 years) and now, rather suddenly they have switched me to another task. The new task is something I have been trained on, but not done for literally 10 years, at least to the degree that I am to do it now. Secondly, to make it worse, I am being given this task because there is confusion in the office about how to do the task. People are not doing it right, so now, it has to come to ME to get it straightened out, and make sure the customer is served correctly. Now, did I mention that I haven't done this task ini 10 years, and am unsure HOW to do it??. It seems like, due to my reputation of being good at my job, I am expected to clean up stuff that I am unfamilar with.

Friday, I had what was almost a panic attack. There were several of these situations that I couldn't fiqure out how to handle and I almost felt like running screaming into the street. Terrified!!! I then thought, "well, lets see what I can do, one task at a time"...and gradually got myself under control.

The issue is why am I so afraid. I am terrified that I will do the wrong thing...that I will upset the customers and look bad. My reputation will go from good to terrible. This way lays disaster. But beyond that, what exactly am I afraid of? Is it simply that I am such a people pleaser that the thought of having unhappy customers is making me lose sleep at night, and have panic attacks during the day? It would appear so. Certainly I have a terrible sense of having to be totally responsible.

Now get this one. I found out Friday that the agreement between the union and the company was voted on by the members of the union and was rejected. Yes, that is right, after 5 months without a contract, the tentative contract has now been rejected. I don't remember this ever happening before but have been told that the last time it happened we went out on strike.

Now my mental state is interesting. Going out on strike seems like a viable alternative to staying in the office, and being on the front line under the conditions above. A part of me, varying in size from time to time, actually thinks and hopes that a strike might just give me the incentive to get off the dime. Since I would need to try for a temporary job while out, it might be something that could turn into a permanent one, and I could then, rather than return to the "firing squad", retire at the end of the strike and have a job to replace it. And BTW, use the money from the retirement to pay off my bills so I would be in a better financial position.

Now, I don't have any idea what is going to happen, but I do know that this fear is horrible. I have to either escape it or learn how to deal with it. Either option seems difficult with its own set of problems. Deal with it, one of the two ways, I certainly will, in time. It will be interesting to see which way. The advantage of escaping is that I could go somewhere where not so much was expected of it.....I could be the "new kid on the block" for a while. Would be a major change...perhaps for the better.

Jokes: Some home remedies

> AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:
>
> 1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY
> GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE
> VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
>
> 2... AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE
> TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
>
> 3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF
> AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS
> REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE
> A TIMER.
>
> 4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL
> PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER
> YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
>
> 5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES.
> THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
>
> 6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE..
> IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT
> SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
>
> 7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN
> ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
>
> DAILY THOUGHT:
>
> SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR
> ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED
> DOWN THE
> STAIRS

Obamo, right or wrong?? Some reactions from my viewpoint

This was posted over at multiply, and I decided that it was a good start on getting more material here for folks to read and react to. Remember be polite.

First of all, this is a political blog. I don't expect that everybody will agree, but I do expect that everybody will be polite. In fact, if they aren't their response, and possibly depending on my mood, the person will be removed (banned) from my site.

Alright, first of all, there are some things to get out of the way. First of all, I am unabashedly a liberal. As a gay person, I don't see how I can be anything else. Conservatives are certainly not, at least in general terms, the friends of the GLBT movement...that movement that says that I am a deserving human being. A human being worthy of any human rights that anybody else is. In fact as I see the conservative movement over the last few years, and its apparent marriage to the neo-con religious fringe (at least I hope they...people like Pat Robertson, are the fringe), I become ever stronger in my liberal take.

I am a democrat. What my pastor calls a yellow dog democrat. I will be honest and say I never, ever remember voting for a republican when a democrat was available to vote for. Why, read above and consider the "marriage" of the conservative movement with the Republican party. Nuff said.

Thirdly I believe that the federal government's most rightful place is generral public welfare. That is assuring that all people have rights and are treated humanely. Conversely because I live in the south and know about lynchings that happened with the constablory turning a blind eye in the 50's and 60's, I don't trust many localities to ensure EQUAL rights except as required by federal mandate. So in that sense I believe that power comes down from the feds...rightly. Putting equal rights up to a referendum was never the intent of the constitution.

Now with some background behind us, lets talk about the current situation. I will state simply that I voted for Obamo for several reasons. 1. He was a democrat. 2. he was an alternative to the "Bushite" actions that I feared from McCain. 3. He was for getting us out of Iraq...a war I have never supported. (by the way the one in Afghanistan I did support until we totally, in my opinion, lost our focus). 4. He was a little less hate filled about people like myself. (Gays in other words) and I thought and hoped a little less accessible to the ultra right. In fact, "working together" sounded pretty darn good to me.

So now I am simply torn. On one hand, I am beginning to be personally disappointed. While "working together" seemed like a good idea, it feels like at times that he is giving consideration to too many people. He hasn't got us out of Iraq yet, althought depending on what you read, it seems to be moving in a sort of right direction. Guantaumo is still functioning....a sign to my admittedly biased eyes, that we are meeting nastiness with nastiness...a sure way of continuing to bread new Islamic Jihadists who hate the United States...in fact providing the people trying to recruit with the very tool they need to get new people based on hate.

Now here comes the other shoe. I am personally disappointed, but less so than many. You see, I know very generally what it must be like being President. You have advisors with all sorts of ideas, and regardless of what you do, someone is going to be unhappy. As President, you have to try and weight whatever personal agenda and belief that you had, and have, as a human being, and what the nation seems to be crying out for. I know this because, for two years, I was "president" of an internet group. If you think such a position is easy, guess again. There were times when I felt like I was trying to herd a group of cats, and failing miserably. That was an internet group of less than 200, what must it be like to try to lead a 300 million citizen country, with an even wider range of opinion than I even had to consider.

In addition, as much as I wanted, and hoped for, a sudden change...an about face, and if I am honest, probably a reversal of the politics regarding GLBT and a lot of other areas, I do believe that the President is trying to govern in association with the other parties at the table...Congress and the Courts. Something that Bush, with his cowboy mentality, never did...spurning the United Nations and even advisors within the United States and taking a "my way or the hightway" approach in just about everything. A fact that lead Bill Maher to say that we have swung from one extreme to another...and I tend to agree somewhat.

I have long since said that nobody can expect to be totally happy....I still say that however, I have to admit that I am beginning to be more and more disappointed. I still haven't reached the point of blaming Obamo however. At least not totally.

Just moving in

Over the years I have had a geocities website, where I put up pictures and insights. Then I got a facebook account as J W Garman, and a multiply account under my non de plume of Vickie Collins (my slightly different persona), but now I am stepping out and blogging under my own name. I hope to write about things that resonate with folks, and elicit discussions.

I do ask that any discussions be respectful of differences. To do otherwise is unacceptable.

Anyway, stay tuned, and hopefully there will be more on the way. :)